When Love Hurts
Working with Abuse and Control in Relationships
Course Over View
Working with Domestic Abuse, Coercion, and Control in Relationships & Understanding How the Nervous System Responds.
A Nervous System and Polyvagal Approach
A key part of this training is understanding how abuse and control are not simply behavioural patterns they are nervous system experiences.
This standalone CPD training has been designed for counsellors, coaches, and helping professionals wanting to deepen their understanding of domestic abuse, coercion, control, and trauma-related relationship dynamics through a nervous system-informed lens.
This course also forms one chapter of the full Relationship Counselling Diploma. If you are looking for more comprehensive relationship training, you may wish to explore the full diploma programme before purchasing, as this training is included within that course.
This standalone CPD training has been designed for counsellors, coaches, and helping professionals wanting to deepen their understanding of domestic abuse, coercion, control, and trauma-related relationship dynamics through a nervous system-informed lens.
This course also forms one chapter of the full Relationship Counselling Diploma. If you are looking for more comprehensive relationship training, you may wish to explore the full diploma programme before purchasing, as this training is included within that course.
A CPD Training for Counsellors, Coaches, and Helping Professionals
Introduction: Why This Course Matters
In this course, we step into one of the most complex, sensitive, and often misunderstood areas of relational work domestic abuse, coercion, control, and trauma-damaging relationship dynamics.
A core focus of this training is recognising that abuse and control are not only psychological or behavioural experiences, but also profound nervous system experiences that shape safety, attachment, survival responses, and relational functioning.
This course draws on Polyvagal Theory to help understand the impact these relational dynamics can have on the nervous system and why clients may struggle to leave, speak openly, trust themselves, or recognise patterns of harm.
As therapists, coaches, and practitioners, we will inevitably encounter clients navigating relationships shaped by fear, power imbalance, emotional dependency, confusion, and chronic nervous system dysregulation.
These dynamics are not always obvious. They are often subtle, layered, and deeply embedded within relational patterns and survival responses.
You may find yourself sitting with a client and sensing that something is not quite right perhaps one partner speaks over the other, there is a tone of fear, appeasement, minimisation, or shutdown, or you notice yourself feeling pulled to rescue, fix, or over-manage the situation while simultaneously feeling uncertain of your role.
This course is designed to support you in those moments.
It offers a trauma-informed, nervous system-aware framework for recognising coercive and abusive dynamics, understanding how the body responds to threat and relational danger, and helping practitioners work ethically, safely, and compassionately within this area of practice.
A core focus of this training is recognising that abuse and control are not only psychological or behavioural experiences, but also profound nervous system experiences that shape safety, attachment, survival responses, and relational functioning.
This course draws on Polyvagal Theory to help understand the impact these relational dynamics can have on the nervous system and why clients may struggle to leave, speak openly, trust themselves, or recognise patterns of harm.
As therapists, coaches, and practitioners, we will inevitably encounter clients navigating relationships shaped by fear, power imbalance, emotional dependency, confusion, and chronic nervous system dysregulation.
These dynamics are not always obvious. They are often subtle, layered, and deeply embedded within relational patterns and survival responses.
You may find yourself sitting with a client and sensing that something is not quite right perhaps one partner speaks over the other, there is a tone of fear, appeasement, minimisation, or shutdown, or you notice yourself feeling pulled to rescue, fix, or over-manage the situation while simultaneously feeling uncertain of your role.
This course is designed to support you in those moments.
It offers a trauma-informed, nervous system-aware framework for recognising coercive and abusive dynamics, understanding how the body responds to threat and relational danger, and helping practitioners work ethically, safely, and compassionately within this area of practice.
Who This Course Is For
This Course is suitable for:
• Counsellors (Level 4 and above)
• Psychotherapists and trainee therapists
• Coaches working with relationships or individuals
• Support workers and wellbeing practitioners
• Anyone working relationally with clients
Whether you are newly qualified or more experienced, this training will help you feel more confident, grounded, and ethically clear when working with complex relational dynamics.
• Psychotherapists and trainee therapists
• Coaches working with relationships or individuals
• Support workers and wellbeing practitioners
• Anyone working relationally with clients
Whether you are newly qualified or more experienced, this training will help you feel more confident, grounded, and ethically clear when working with complex relational dynamics.
What This Course Will Give You:
This is not a course that teaches you to “fix” abusive relationships because that is not our role
Instead, this course will help you to:
• Recognise the signs of domestic abuse, coercion, and control
• Understand the difference between conflict and abuse
• Develop awareness of power, fear, and relational imbalance
• Work with clients in a way that is safe, ethical, and boundaried
• Understand when to continue, pause, or refer on
• Support clients to build awareness and autonomy, without becoming the rescuer
You will leave this course with a clearer understanding of what is yours to hold and what is not.
Instead, this course will help you to:
• Recognise the signs of domestic abuse, coercion, and control
• Understand the difference between conflict and abuse
• Develop awareness of power, fear, and relational imbalance
• Work with clients in a way that is safe, ethical, and boundaried
• Understand when to continue, pause, or refer on
• Support clients to build awareness and autonomy, without becoming the rescuer
You will leave this course with a clearer understanding of what is yours to hold and what is not.
What You Will Learn
Across this course, we will explore:
• Abuse and Control
• Physical and non-physical abuse
• Emotional, psychological, and coercive control
• Financial and sexual abuse
• Reproductive control and power dynamics
Relational and Psychological Dynamics
• Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement
• Attachment injuries and relational templates
• Shame, fear, and dependency cycles
• The cycle of abuse and how it presents in therapy
The Role of the Therapist
• Working with neutrality without collusion
• Recognising risk and safeguarding responsibilities
• Understanding your limits as a practitioner
• Knowing when to refer to specialist services
Working Safely in the Room
• How abuse presents in couple's or individual sessions
• Why couples work is not always appropriate
• How to hold the space without reinforcing harm
• Supporting autonomy rather than directing decisions
A Realistic and Ethical Approach
This course is grounded in the reality that:
• You cannot control your client’s choices
• You cannot “save” someone from their relationship
• You cannot always create change within the couple dynamic
What you can do is:
• See clearly
• Respond ethically
• Hold a safe and boundaried space
• Support awareness and informed choice
That is the work.
• Physical and non-physical abuse
• Emotional, psychological, and coercive control
• Financial and sexual abuse
• Reproductive control and power dynamics
Relational and Psychological Dynamics
• Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement
• Attachment injuries and relational templates
• Shame, fear, and dependency cycles
• The cycle of abuse and how it presents in therapy
The Role of the Therapist
• Working with neutrality without collusion
• Recognising risk and safeguarding responsibilities
• Understanding your limits as a practitioner
• Knowing when to refer to specialist services
Working Safely in the Room
• How abuse presents in couple's or individual sessions
• Why couples work is not always appropriate
• How to hold the space without reinforcing harm
• Supporting autonomy rather than directing decisions
A Realistic and Ethical Approach
This course is grounded in the reality that:
• You cannot control your client’s choices
• You cannot “save” someone from their relationship
• You cannot always create change within the couple dynamic
What you can do is:
• See clearly
• Respond ethically
• Hold a safe and boundaried space
• Support awareness and informed choice
That is the work.
Professional and Ethical Frameworks
This training is aligned with UK best practice, drawing on:
• BACP Ethical Framework (2023)
• NICE Guidelines (QS116)
• SafeLives and DASH risk framework
• Respect UK standards
• Relate and Tavistock relationship models
These frameworks ensure that your work remains safe, accountable, and professionally grounded. A Final Word
This is not an easy area of work.
It will challenge you not just clinically, but personally.
You may notice your own reactions, your own values, and your own limits being activated.
That is part of becoming a relational practitioner.
This course is here to support you in developing the confidence to sit with complexity, the awareness to recognise harm, and the integrity to work within your role.
• BACP Ethical Framework (2023)
• NICE Guidelines (QS116)
• SafeLives and DASH risk framework
• Respect UK standards
• Relate and Tavistock relationship models
These frameworks ensure that your work remains safe, accountable, and professionally grounded. A Final Word
This is not an easy area of work.
It will challenge you not just clinically, but personally.
You may notice your own reactions, your own values, and your own limits being activated.
That is part of becoming a relational practitioner.
This course is here to support you in developing the confidence to sit with complexity, the awareness to recognise harm, and the integrity to work within your role.
Course Tutor
Shirley Marais
Seasoned CPCAB Tutor
[email protected]
Shirley Marais is a seasoned relationship counsellor and dedicated educator who brings a wealth of professional experience and relational insight to her role as course tutor. A Registered Member of both the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society (NCPS), Shirley has built a successful private practice working with individuals and couples in the Bedfordshire and Northamptonshire region and online for many years. Shirley’s therapeutic style is rooted in the Person‑Centred approach, providing clients a safe, compassionate environment in which they are fully seen, heard and valued. Over time she has integrated a rich repertoire of modalities including Psychodynamic, Transactional Analysis (TA), Solution‑Focused and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to meet the complex needs of couples and individuals alike. In her role as tutor and supervisor she supports aspiring counsellors on accredited courses (Levels 2, 3 and 4) as well as offering CPD in relational work. Her teaching is characterised by clarity, practicality and relational depth she draws directly from her practice to help delegates develop both therapeutic confidence and relational competence.